How graphic is “too graphic”

So, as I’ve moved into the romance genre of writing, I find myself at a place where I’m lacking direction and there seems to be two different camps on this: how graphic is “too graphic” for a love scene in a romance novel? I want my books to genre bending type of novels. I want it to be tasteful when I write about it (sex). Statistics show that a vast majority of readers who read “romance” skim over the love/sex scenes when they get to it. I don’t want that to happen. I want the connection between the two to be felt by anyhone who reads it. I don’t want it to be about the “sex” I want it to be about finding each other in another realm…about it being a healing. Anyway, would love your feedback and opinion on this. How graphic is “too graphic”? You can either comment on the post or just message it to me.